Doing a Slow BURRRRRN

They say not to blog when you are rolling in the deep in the Peace Corps. Well, I don’t have an actual journal and I say fuck it, read the sub-headline of the blog page. My ideas tend to reflect a brain like a drugged out spider spinning a web confused as to where it started and where it should go next or end, but when I’m angry and sleep deprived, my train of thoughts is an utter wreck, worse than the whole two kilometers of railroad in landlocked Paraguay…it’s going from nowhere to nowhere.

It’s almost 3:30 am on what is now officially a Sunday morning. If I were in normal world, I’d probably just be winding down from a night out, but this is far from normal. I have been quite sleepy since about 10pm, but there have been internal and external interruptions every twenty minutes. Now my brain is on overload and I have a dull, dizzy ache keeping me from sleep.

This is another negative blog, unfortunately, but it’s not about the people and their reta (way of life, customs)...(ok maybe the latter part is a lie). In fact I had a pretty good, but un-accomplished day. I spent the morning finishing the overdue bamboo garden fence that kind of fell apart a few weeks ago, and since it was friendship day (a big deal here), I invited three girls who live close enough to visit for chocolate cake and a movie, which was a great success for the girls. It was an ideal non-work day until they left at the last of dusk and I retired to idle for about an hour, pretending to clean and take care of my rabbit and her compost.

I then realized I start a series of 6-8 lessons at the elementary school for the upcoming 2-3 weeks, and the biggest one is Monday. So I convinced myself at around 8pm that I should wait on skype for my mom and sister while idling a little more. I tried to do a bellydance workout but was too drained for it, knowing there was no hope for a bodyrock work. By near midnight, I had lightly read through the research I had done, and kind of outlined the poster papers (I’m pre-powerpoint, let alone any technology at school) for the first lesson. I planned on taking some of this work and personal Guarani studies to the occasional visit I owe my host grandfather in the morning.

I tried to sleep but my mind was running on a different motor, generating new ideas about the school lesson and my Guarani language endeavors. To calm my thoughts I got up at about 1am to type out these ideas, saw my mom sent me a text message apologizing for not being able to skype, so thereafter I hoped for a good night’s sleep. Just as I was losing conscious thought….I heard cows grazing right outside my window again. GRRRRR

I am so worked up about this because there has been a problem with cows in my yard for the past month. My neighbors kind of have helped put up a part of the fence they knocked down once long ago and the crappy gate, but were never really in a hurry to finish anything. The only reason they did is because they HAD to. I finally realized that my landlord must know that the cows are responsible for many of the string of problems the water motor has. I think I have had a total of two weeks of running water without some crazy pipe leak in the past eight months. I was feeling a little responsible when my neighbor, especially the dad, kind of commanded me to not let HIS cows in my yard and IIIII need to chase them around if this happens…like I’m responsible for HIS cows too. And I began to feel really GUILTY when my landlord called me kind of mad for not reporting the currently enormous pipe damage to the water situation. I tried to explain as kindly as possible that I did not want him to get all worried about it (this old man lives like three hours away and is putting tons of money into fixing the water every other month, instead of fixing the fence to keep the cows out, or just killing all the cows). In reality, I chose not to do anything because I knew I had nothing to do with the problem (it happened while I was away for a couple of days) and in reality I don’t mind having to haul a bucket or two of water everyday (I live the furthest away from a well). We only turn on the water about 10 minutes a day to each get a few liters of drinking water, while probably ten times that is wasted by the damage. They insist it has to be done GRRR. My neighbor reminded me a few more times that it’s my responsibility to keep the cows out too. GRRRRRR. Just now, a cow came to the bunny cage right by my door and knocked the rain cover with brick weights off the top and started chewing on the plastic, scaring the shit out of my bunny and me. Another just knocked off a good amount of the straw off the water motor’s roof. GRRRRRRRRRR

This passive accusation for something that I absolutely nothing to do with but has lately affected me a lot, topped by my family’s neglect and my own procrastination is HORRRRRRRRificly beyond 4 am words. I laid in bed, adding fuel to fire in my head, relaying through how much I hate domestic animals and am now determined to be fully vegetarian again (gasp, even when visiting neighbors) and how I can almost be vegan and would love it. I used to be vegetarian because I really appealed to the energy efficiency argument, but now I have two reasons. Chickens, pigs and cows are disgusting, brainless creatures that if let run wild, without balanced meals, are savage and reckless. My own chickens don’t lay eggs anymore for what people call the normal clueca phase, which to me means I have absolutely no need for them, but can’t bring myself to kill them…let alone consume them. Thus, spending on feeding them is not so viable, but I do it to deter them from eating the bunny poop (but there are three chickens of mine and about 40 more visiting throughout the day). Lately, eggs have caused an unpleasantly odd sense, that if I eat them, my next couple of meals have a strong vestige smell and taste of eggs (almost rancid in my craziness) even though I do not use the same cooking/eating utensils, so much I am ready to cut them out other than in baked goods. I have cut out straight up milk, and so use powdered milk, but very little because it’s the lesser of two evils. I rarely eat cheese because what is most available is far from enjoyable. I laid in bed fully awake thinking about disgusting chickens eating rabbit poop and not laying eggs; pigs too often witnessed inside of people’s kitchens (I puked a mouthful of chocolate cake at those memories), tearing through my yard and knocking down my tree saplings, and making foul sounds; and cows eating my cilantro, carrots, and plastic bunny cage cover after also tearing through my yard and fucking up the running water.

What also vexes me is the irony of how lose these animals are, and how the reta of old world rural families is still strong in that women and whole families in general are on a short leash to their families and house. They rarely leave their house and fields except to buy the essentials, and in some cases some women only leave the house for an immediate family member’s death or wedding. I finally end here and hope I can get a wink of sleep before I hear my neighbors realize the cows are in my yard and am coaxed to help. It’s about one hour to sunrise. Good morning. Ha.

Stupid (and not so stupid) shit Paraguay has made me do lately

1. For some reason my bathroom is plagued by zillions of mosquitos (maybe it’s the toilet water that attracts them since it’s practically stagnant and since I can only flush it once a day if I’m lucky). So I used up a massive amount of mosquito repellent in the bathroom that I think I must have poisoned myself while inhaling, and was still so bad after half an hour I had to take the pee bowl outside so I could breathe while I peed (I use the bowl most of the time now since said toilet is not functional most of the day and I don't have a latrine on my property…but at least it’s a great nitrogen source for my compost).

2. Cows are strictly forbidden in my half acre-ish yard because they have been known to mess up the water motor (currently broken thanks to an evil cow). During the two days they had free admittance to my yard after they tore down the makeshift part of my fence they not only broke the water motor leaving three families and I without running water, but they broke part of my garden fence (it was already in really bad shape and I had it coming for procrastinating in getting bamboo to rebuild it), and tore through my garden eating my cilantro, basil, and most of my lettuce and carrots!!!!!!!

3. A couple of nights ago, at almost 11pm I heard a cow just outside my window. I ran outside with the dim light of my phone to hunt about 15 pairs of large luminescent eyes (Including one in my garden again!!!!) and chase them around my large yard, screaming gibberish (you’d understand how this is used against almost all animals if you lived in Paraguay) until they found the gate they tore down and got the hell out. That night I had a nightmare where evil cows with giant horns like guampas were chasing after me while I was on a jog around the community, and eventually there was a stampede of cows as all the cows around the neighborhood got together to take their revenge on me. Ok maybe that is not exactly how I dreamt it, but I did have an unpleasant dream involving cows that I don’t remember to exact detail.

4. Recently, I got a lovely large bunny, who resembles an English spot breed, and my 4 year old neighbor and I named “pelusita” (Spanish for little “lint” or “fuzz”). Other than having her as a pet and dreaming of one day having a side project in nutrition and breeding rabbits for their meat, I was pretty stoked about having a composter’s dream manure: rabbit poop. So I started a separate, small compost pile just for my rabbit’s poop, but I quickly learned that if I’m not around to sweep up her poop almost immediately, the chickens will eat it all!!!! After almost a week with a bunny, I have a pathetic pile of rabbit compost that is probably 98% kitchen scraps and leaves, and 2% rabbit pebbles (and it’s probably four handfuls big total).

I guess the only awesome thing is that I am probably able to count the average number of liters of water I use per day with my two hands. I have become much better at using the water I haul from my neighbor’s well to do dishes, laundry or bucket bathe, then recycle it to water my tree saplings and currently crappy garden or flush the toilet.

All in all though, I end on a good note! I’m becoming busier and thus happier! Working a whole schedule this upcoming month with the elementary school to start composting and starting a mini tree nursery, apart from random basic environmental/biology learning activities in between; continuing to figure out ways with the high school principal to get books for a library; the women’s committee is getting official paperwork done so we can figure out what we can hopefully produce for market (still a little of an obstacle in having everyone agree on something); starting a biodigester at home (to put evil cow poop to good use) and starting to pitch bunnies and biodigesters to two agricultural committees. Also maybe starting an English class…and this all I hope to at least start somehow before I go on vacation to Bolivia and Peru in about a month! These are great goals!!! So here’s to hoping I am not about to jinx any of it with the hesitant and adamant minds that tend to prevail around heres!!!

I am writing about this with the aim that by publishing it I will actually stick to it, and if you are reading this, can support me! Through a great but brief friendship with a girl who trained for Peace Corps with me, but left, I found out about this awesome fitness website that I’ve recently become enthralled with. It’s an online fitness blog called bodyrock where some crazy fit and scantily clad woman (who I heard was in the porn industry) does these crazy intense short interval training exercises that make you feel utterly elated at just being able to complete. I started these fitness routines almost three weeks ago and have only done about three a week, but I want to up it and commit to doing these on average of every other day, alternating with at least 1.5 hours every other day of biking or running (increasing it from my average of 1 hour every other day). So I write this not to try to show off, but just to let others know and that way feel like I have given my word to them, but most importantly to myself to commit to a healthier lifestyle and because endorphins are the only legal drug I'm allowed to do while in Peace Corps and I allow myself while in site (I don't do alcohol in my community, but mostly because it is completely crap beer you couldn't pay me to drink and too few people invest in wine)….Diet is hard to regulate when I eat with local families or out a few times each week, but I am successful at when at home. For example today I had an amazing salad made from homegrown lettuce and carrots with onion, tomatoes, bell pepper, grilled eggplant, black beans, some spices and balsamic dressing. DELICIOUS…but I ruined it by the three pieces of cake I bought to support the women’s group and ‘somehow managed’ to eat all today.

Don't Cry For ME

Just after a week in Argentina in late May, I stopped blogging and shaving my legs. I’ll start by posting about my time in Argentina before I forget it happened this year.

The week I spent in Argentina was bittersweet. I spent it with two great college friends and wandered around the city sometimes alone and never got lost! I stayed at the apartment of an insane lady just a couple of blocks from some giant government building. I shared a room with a really nice girl from Holland who wanted to visit South America for several months and was spending a couple months in Buenos Aires to learn Spanish.

In a nutshell, Buenos Aires is a city with beautiful European reminiscent architecture from colonial times, but the only thing to remind you of South America is the sometimes tasteful graffiti making urging you to take some kind of social stand with either scrawled succinct commands or a colorfully elaborate depiction. I did not feel like I was in South America, save for the one night spent at a tango bar and the classic argentine accent of which most y’s and ll’s slurred as a Spanish “j” or English “cho” that kind of makes me think the argentine’s European ancestors learned Spanish while they were piss drunk and it passed it on through the centuries.

The first day there, Elena took me to the Pink Palacio to a protest held by some old women’s group who lost their kids to some militia group in some kind of social mishap many many years ago. That night we went out to some bar where ALL of the study abroad students from U.S. went to hang out, and I got to see a few more familiar faces from Trinity like Alyssa and Jahn, yet the ambience of the bar was off key. I felt like the only one far removed and outgrown from college life even though I was not the only college graduate or the youngest, and on my first night I did not feel like sipping drinks with other Americans, I could do that in the USA anytime! I wanted to get out and meet some locals!

We then went to a club where they had a sweet break dance couple competition and Elena and I went to the balcony to observe man and woman couples face each other off with some impressive popping and locking of joints I wasn’t even aware one could move more than 180°. Shortly thereafter, more kids from the first bar joined us, and the floor opened up to dance. So I went with a couple girls to the floor, thinking it would be normal and we could enjoy the music, but really creepy drunk guys started to try to get us left and right and sometimes were too pushy. I have the impression that some were local guys, but the worst were probably under 21 tourists, completely drunk who thought that in Argentina you can just instantly get with anyone who seems of the desirable sex, so that a few times, a guy would come up to me and try to make out within seconds. It was in short REVOLTING and we were out of there less than half an hour after the dancing started.

I spent the rest of the week visiting places and stuffing my face of alfajores and delicious food with Elena and Mike, Alyssa, and Sanne (the really cool girl from Holland). One of the highlights was being an observer at a Tango bar, where both young and old men and women sat behind little round tables around the perimeter of a dance floor. A tango song would come on, and the women would wait to be asked by a man for a dance, and so would ensue the dance and small talk to fit the length of a tango or two before each would retreat to their respective little table to start over with a new partner. To me, it seemed both much more refreshing, romantic and professional (especially in light of my experience at the club earlier in the week).

Buenos Aires was not as romantic as I imagined it to be. The people were too often rude, though I did find some nice eclectic people to chat with while exploring the city’s cemetery, zoo, arboretum and garden. The lady I lived with expressed how many argentines, especially in BA still ride a high horse about their European ancestry in an attempt to alienate themselves from the indigenous and mestizos, to consider themselves above them. In another occasion I heard, (and did feel it through my visit) that Paraguayans are not warmly welcomed, and their situation is much like that of Mexicans in the U.S. displaced from their home country in plight and search of an economically viable position elsewhere. On the other hand Bolivians are considered much worse than the already plebeian status of Paraguayans, twice hearing that they are lazy and dirty in comparison to harder-working Paraguayans. I met both some Bolivians and Paraguayans while visiting some of the tourist hotspots, and all were incredibly friendly (I got a mini tour from a cemetery employee) and respectfully hardworking (magnitudes more than the lazy Argentine host lady I stayed with). I left with the impression that any reason why Bolivians would be less regarded is due to their general more indigenous origin. With that said, I am not at all crazy about ever visiting Buenos Aires again. I had a taste of it, and once was enough, and look forward to Bolivia and Peru in September!!!